dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
