His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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