i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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