Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
