Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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