glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
