i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
