check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
