I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
