So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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