I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize