My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
