I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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