Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
