I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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