I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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