I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
