After last night, I could never be a politician.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
