Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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