Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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