Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
