two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
