my mouth tastes like poor choices
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
