I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
