No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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