Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
