my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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