Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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