My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize