i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
