You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize