go do what you do best...puke behind churches
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
