Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
