i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
