You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
