What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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