she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We are all done wearing pants today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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