Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
