The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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