Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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