What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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