A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
