Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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