I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
