a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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