I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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