This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
