We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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