i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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