I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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