You're so nebulous sometimes
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
