A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
