I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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