what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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