Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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