Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
