the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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