Your face is a jimmy john
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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