I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
