After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
